Don't say I didn't warn you!
GI JOE #40You know, a little fiber in your diet, and/or some prune juice, will help that problem.
The Accused: Larry Hama-writer, Rod Whigham & Andy Mushynsky-art, Joe Rosen-letters, George Roussos-colors, Denny O'Neil-editor, Jim Shooter-rubber stamp, Hasbro & Ron Rudat-you started it!
Warning: The following may contain strong language and represents the opinions of the wirter and not necessarily the management or the members of this board. Reader discretion is advised.
Synopsis: The JOE team is in New Orleans and have come out of the cathouses long enough to meet a paddle steamer, carrying their new Transportable Tactical Battle Platform......
They also meet their technical expert and newest team member, Shipwreck.
He talks like a refugee from a Robert Newton film, but is dressed in Navy dungarees and dixie cup.......
The JOEs hook up the cargo lines to the platform and two Dragonfly gunships are supposed to have the load lift capability to transport it out into the Gulf of Mexico.
Cobra Commander observes all of this, from a WW2-Era submarine, below the surface of the Gulf.....
The JOEs have taken the bait and everything is proceeding according to their plan. The mysterious Crimson Guardsman, father of Candy, has laid everything out and set himself up as bait.
The rest of the JOE team wait on a boat, near a flotation collar, where they will rest the Tactical platform, before securing it to the remaining support columns of an old oil drilling platform.
At the Pit, Hawk continues his interrogation of Candy, while Buzzer of the Dreadnoks hits on her and he receives a phone call from General Austin, whining about Constitutional rights.
Back in the Gulf, the Cobra submarine crosses through a breach in the hull of a sunken tanker, the ARBCO Star, registered in Liberia. Inside is their secret base, complete with hydrofoil boat coxswains....
Carl Stromberg is not on board.
Shipwreck is busy calling the rest of the team "lubbers" and tells them they need to chip paint, coil lines and batten hatches, then pulls a weapon on Barbecue, another new JOE, the team's fireman, because..........
.....the new mailman had to make a special delivery?
So, is there a JOE in charge of the chow hall, named Cookie?
More likely s#$%-sandwich!
Shipwreck's weapon looks like a double-barrel flintlock.....
Candy and Buzzer are ordered removed to a civilianjail, in a jurisdictional dispute (what dispute? Civilian authority has jurisdiction on non-military soil and terrorism falls under civilian law.) They are being transported in a bus, where Buzzer overpowers the guards ad takes over driving it, even though the driver is usually isolated from the passengers, in a prison transport.
The Cobra Crimsn Guardsman, Professor Appel, unleashes Cobra's secret weapon, at the heart of their plan....
Wait...that means his daughter is named Candy Apppel.......
Up on the tactical platform, the JOEs feel vibrations and see dead marine life float to the surface. Their sensors indicate the source is 50 miles (is that nautical miles or land-based...there is a difference, soldier). Cutter takes Snake Eyes, Recondo, Tripwire and Gung-Ho in the WHALE, to locate the source. Duke orders Doc to contact the USS Flag to stand by to provide back up.
The containers that Cobra released from the deck of the ARBCO Star surface and pop open, revealing sleek hydrofoil assault craft, called Morays (as in the eel, not hosts of seedy syndicated talk shows, where biological fathers are revealed). They fly past the WHALE and launch missile attacks on the tactical platform..
The WHALE launches Deep Six, in the SHARC, to conduct an underwater survey of the source of the transmissions that are killing all marine life (except Gung Ho) in the area. He locates a Cobra bunker installation, on the seafloor and radios in the coordinates.
Dr Appel is pleased, as this is part of the plan.
Meanwhile, the TTP is getting plastered.
Deep Six fires torpedoes and the WHALE drops depth charges on the bunker, with no effect.
Hawk radios in about the situation. The Pentagon is concerned about the weapon at work and is considering launching a limited nuclear strike. Cutter unloads in hi skivvies.
Cobra knocks out the guns and missiles, on the platform; but, barbecue turns the crane into a weapon, hooking one of the Moray's, causing it to crash into the superstructure.
Meanwhile, on the USS Flagg, a tactical nuke is loaded onto Ace's Skystriker.
A second Moray comes close to the TTP and Shipwreck boards it and attacks the coxswain with something that could be Whigham's idea of a heaving line (it isn't), but mostly looks like some kind of flair (rope line with pointed weights at either end).
Doc has a brainstorm and they radio the Flag, and they belay the nuke loading and order all aircraft to be armed with conventional bombs. They order Maverick to launch in the Alert 5 aircraft......
The joes mark the target and the Skystrikers start their bomb runs.....
The last Moray bugs out and the TTP lick their wounds. The Cobra bunker is hit with the equivalent of a nuke, in conventional explosives, because only an Army medic would think of that, instead of dropping a nuke off the coast of Louisiana.
Sensors pick up the opening of fissures, below and a seaquake.
Dr Appel has a s#$%-eating grin. The bombs have set of a fault line.
Thoughts:NAVY CHIEF PETTY OFFICERS DO NOT WEAR "DUNGAREES & DIXIE CUPS!"
BEARDS ARE NOT ALLOWED INT HE US NAVY!!
WTF KIND OF WEAPON IS A DOUBLE BARREL FLINTLOCK?
According to the stripes on his uniform, Hector Delgado, aka Shipwreck, is a Chief Petty Officer. His backer card profile identifies him as a Chief Gunner's Mate. A gunner's mate does not overse the handling of a vessel or its care; that's a boatswain.
IT TAKES MORE THAN KNOWING THAT A ROPE IS CALLED A LINE AND THAT YOU WRAP THEM AROUND CLEATS TO BE A SAILOR, YOU KNUCKLE-DRAGGING, GOAT-@#$%ING, GROUND-POUNDING, PISSANT, MOTHER-@#$%ING LOAD OF MOLE SPUTUM......
HOLY CHESTER NIMITZ!
Where to begin with this.
Look, I know this is a comic book based on a military toy line, though up by designers who thought this @#$% looked cool, rather than accurate.....
Ron Rudat, the designer, acknowledges that Shipwreck is BSI get it. Regardless, I am a Navy veteran; a former Naval supply officer, who was undergoing his training at this time and served for 4 more years, on active duty. I gave up 8 years of my life in service to the country, in the US NAVY.
SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT!
Hama is fine with the Army, since he experienced. he sucked at the modern Army, because he served a decade before and it had changed a lot. He really sucked at the other services. Hasbro sucked at the details on their gear and uniforms, if they gave them actual or pseudo uniforms. Yeah, kids didn't know or care; but plenty of others did. You want a sailor in dungarees? DON'T MAKE HIM A FRAPPIN' CHIEF PETTY OFFICER. Chief Petty officers wear the working uniform, ie khakis, on board ship. It's a privilege of rank, because it takes a long time to achieve CPO and above rank. They are senior NCOs, technical experts, leaders. They aren't lowly snipes or bosun's mates, chipping paint and swabbing decks. They are the ones ordering the lowly scumbags to "turn to." They are the ones that tell a empty-headed "butter-bar" how to really do his job, BECAUSE HIS PARENTS WERE MARRIED AND HE WORKS FOR A LIVING!!
Torpedo was bad enough, as he never gets out of the wet suit and must stink to high heaven from the sweat slipping around inside the neoprene. Deep Six was even worse, walking around looking like Willy Gilligan, when he wasn't in his dive suit. Cutter is Coast Guard and his uniform is more accurate.
THEY GOT THE COAST GUARD MORE ACCURATE THAN THE @#$%ING US NAVY!!!! THE COAST GUARD!! THE GUYS WHO DREAM OF BEING IN THE REAL NAVY, INSTEAD OF RESCUING DRUNKEN PLEASURE BOATERS, ON THE WEEKEND!!
At one point, chief's did wear dungarees, as a working uniform, but with a combination cap, not a "dixie cup." It set them apart.
I can forgive the stupid looking weapon, except it is a pistol, or sawed-off shotgun, with a scope. Whatever, it appears to be smoothbore, which means a scope is useless.
I can forgive the anchor tattoo, even though that is Popeye, as some sailors put about that much thought into their first tattoo. I can forgive the stupid Robert Newton speech patterns, if I am in a good mood; but, he was from the West Country, not a sailor. That's how he talked, not pirates or sailors.
At least they didn't include the DAMN PARROT, in this issue.
Cobra seems to be playing the JOEs like fiddles, judging by their smug expressions, at the end. It has all been part of an elaborate and overly-complicated plan. Then again, did Cobra have any other kind?
Candy Appel? Seriously?
F-14 Tomcats are not bombers; they are fighters. They carry missiles, not bombs. For that era, the bomb load would be carried by either A-6 Intruders or FA-18 Hornets. An A-6 could carry the load of a WW2 B-17 Flying Fortress. I know they call them Skystrikers; but, they are F-14 Tomcats....a Navy plane....flown by an Air Force zoom boy. The Air Force is too @#$%& to land on a carrier!
The Towed Tactical Platform was another new toy, for 1985.
It came with a helo platform, twin guns, a missile launcher and a cargo crane, plus an adjustable ramp and support pillars. Everything else was sold separately. In theory, it is similar to the MOB concept (Mobile Offshore Base), which was prpposed, during the Gulf War, but feasibility studies concluded they provided no advantages over carriers or RO-RO ships (Roll On/Roll Off). Such a base isn't defendable without sea and air cover.
Some of this is a continuing subplot; but, the bulk of it is a toy catalog. The action is fine, the verisimilitude is the s@#$s!
I am not going to rant any further about Shipwreck, though I reserve the right to growl, especially about the uniform. If I see him in "cracker jacks," though, all bets are off!